Friday, November 28, 2003 | Friday, November 28, 2003

Spongebob Squarepants! I'm a spongebob squarepants convert! Went to see Spongebob Squarepants: The Musical at suntec just now, courtesy of nic's mum. At first i was so bemused and embarrassed; i mean like, practically the whole area was filled with screaming kids and their parents; nic, jill and me were the only teenagers in sight. It helped alot that there was fun and entertainment for people of all ages *winkwink. Let's see..first there was the HOT eurasian-malay-looking-usher-with-chiselled-features waving the F-is-for-FUN letter about, then there was the HOT HOT causasian performer dressed as a pirate who's third in line to johnny depp and orlando bloom in the cutest-pirates-alive-department (and nic jill and me took a pic with him, and he has his arm around me drooldrool), and then there was the HOT HOT HOT hottie cotton-candy guy who's a firstyear student at tp. Hearing the dripdrip of saliva gathering in a pool already? Thank goodness i had my digicam with me; it was snapshot-extravaganza! Managed to get one blurry photo of that candy guy w/o losing all pride and dignity too (thanks nic!). And we got a spongebob goodie bag at the end of it all too..really love my bright yellow spongebob mug :) Reliving the joys of being a kid again is really..living all over again. I had a great time. After that on the ride home, it was through the ecp, and we were passing by some familiar places at the east coast. Familiar places which brought back memories. Memories which now doesn't leave me depressed or anything, merely wistful, not wistful-sad though. Happy memories. And flipping through my JJ book last night was like reading some story which happened far faraway and a long time ago, just like a fairy tale. I was just a bystander looking, seeing through. Which all means one thing: i've healed, nearly totally. It's all now a beautiful dream, a beautiful memory.

Thursday, November 27, 2003 | Thursday, November 27, 2003

My normally placid mind is now exacerbated, irate and piqued beyond..my normal sweet temperament. My pretty big toe is ruined! This bitch twice my size just stepped on it, and it isn't just the normal step-and-lift, it was the step-dragacrossmyentiretoe-lift. My self-manicured toe's now covered with white scratches, and the *sob pretty flower sticker on it got completely scratched off by her horrible heel. Oh nvm the throbbing pain that's still in my poor toe, nvm that that bitch didn't even bother to apologise, but I TOOK PAINS TO DO MY NAILS AND NOW IT'S ALL GONE IN ONE SECOND. Gah. I absolutely refuse to believe it. And no matter what the newspapers say about Master and Commander, i refute it with absolute vehemence; it's all one big long-winded bull crap with a lousy conclusion. My poor toe.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003 | Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Wow i'm turning into a little raccoon, with big gigantic eyebags and all, sigh. Yesterday, met up with pris to go find all the suitable locations for my youth camp (hehehe). Really helps having a streetsmart person with you; ok that says sth about me so i'll just keep my mouth shut. So anyway, yay (!) locations are more or less confirmed, whew. Big load off my mind. Aand i think i lost about 2 kg walking yesterday; from far east to dhoby ghaut again, my stamina's improving. At the end of it, because i took my digicam along, we asked this passerby to take a pic of us and it was so embarrassing! He narrowed his eyes and went "you girls aren't really tourists right..?" Gah. It (the pic) came out with this ethereal glow around us; we look like angels! Now if only i can figure out how to upload the pics online, haha; my tech knowledge is beyond that unfortunately. So about 2230 i reached simei, and was promptly picked up by my family and whisked back to *groan cineleisure. Watched le papillon at 2335 and it was sososo nice! The whole show consists of childlike conversations between this little girl and old man, and its innocence is really refreshing. Certain memorable parts (when my brain was awake enough to actually remember). Incident 1: "What is a nightmare?" "A nightmare is a dream gone bad..see? Think of children; when they are first born they are like a dream, but when they grow up they become a nightmare." Hmm. Incident 2: "Why do people fall in love and not rise in love?" Ya, why? And french really sounds so beautiful (even though my groggy brain can't remember any words now from those i learnt last night). Woke up early this morning to go eat breakfast at raffles hotel. I coulda felt like some expat except for the fact that my attire was shorts, t-shirt and slippers for some bizarre circumstances, yeesh. Felt so 'errr..'. Went to a whole lot more of places before heading back home. Shall spare you the boring details cuz i was almost dropping off from lack of sleep. So there's my account of these two days. Sigh. And it ain't a holiday these holidays either. S'long!

Saturday, November 22, 2003 | Saturday, November 22, 2003

Take the ideology of fresh milk: leaving milk out of the refrigerator for too long leaves it sour. Sweet dispositions turn sour for the same reason. Let aggravation stew without a period of cooling down, and the result? A bad, bitter, crabby SGS attitude. Ok that was taken out of Max Lucado's He Still Moves Stones, with a little twist added by me. :) I think happiness is all based on yourself, and also on how much you trust and obey God too. Therefore no more SGS for me. I think i finally have the right mindset to start anew again. I admit, these two months were the darkest periods of my life. Result of it? I strayed from God. But let me type this down here right now, in black and white, that from henceforth it shan't be so anymore. Let me just face it: a chapter in my life has closed for good, and a new one shall begin. Wait for the quality one whom God will bring along for me. In the meantime, study. Err but of course, next year will be torture. But i shall grit my teeth and bear with it, just for one more year. And whatever torture i'm going through now, it's all gonna be worth the wait at the end of it when i get my uni cert and graduate with a decent merit or higher, if i'm lucky. And i'll do my devotionals daily.. Argh. Ok, back to youth camp stuff, sigh. *i am happy..so very happy...

Tuesday, November 18, 2003 | Tuesday, November 18, 2003

This book really made me think. Especially this excerpt. You can't cling on to memories forever; it will pull you down, prevent you from growing. Stunt your growth. Check this book out if you haven't already. And yea, i know it's a kids' book, but who cares.

| Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Another thing. If you're missing me I want you to know I'm not missing you. Gone is gone. I never miss anything or anyone because it all becomes a lovely memory. I guard my memories and love them, but I don't get in them and lie down. You can even make stories from yours, but remember, they don't come back. Just think how awful it would be if they did. You don't need me now. You're eleven years old which is old enough to get busy at growing up to be the person you want to be. --excerpt from Harriet The Spy by Louise Fitzhugh.

Monday, November 17, 2003 | Monday, November 17, 2003

O levels end for good this thursday. Sigh. I think my nightmare dreams are recurring. Had one of those dreams again last night, brought back all those unwanted feelings again. I was grovelling; i was desperate; he was firm and resolute. Is it some omen? Woke up at o93o not feeling too happy, so went back to sleep again til 11 plus. I don't want sleep to be my escape, not like those 2 months ago, neither do i want those dreams again. Because i needed cheering up so badly, i decided to walk over to eastpoint to get the necessary stuff for making a cheesecake. And it only made it worse, cuz that was the same route we took the last time we walked together. Ahh well. Got the stuff, came home, and started making my cake after lunch with my sis helping. And it turned out horrible. Bahh. At least, the appearance is horrible, all lumpy cuz i didn't stir enough. BUT there's still hope, cuz I still need to refrigerate the entire night and wait for it to set. Let's hope it turns out looking gorgeous, haha. Today's my sis's 2nd year anniversary, she's going out for dinner tonight with that significant other. Yay. Sigh. Oopsie, SGS again. At least my brother and christine's coming over for dinner tonight. :) One of the few bright sparks in my dreary life.

Saturday, November 15, 2003 | Saturday, November 15, 2003

Owowowowoww. My skin burns horrible. Whee!!!!! I had such fun today! Started out a little badly at first; when pris and i arrived at sentosa at high noon, the sky was all grey, and not a speck of sunlight was visible. Then it started drizzling when we lay down our towels. Like..grr. So we sat there miserably for a few minutes...then surprise surprise! It stopped! Haha.. Then the sun came out and it was major tanning time. We both smothered ourselves with that horrible-smelling oil, and i think we spent about three hours there. And i seriously think i heard the oil sizzling on my skin! It was that hot. Ok i won't continue to blabber on about tanning myself, but one disappointing thing: the beach was soo empty today, considering the fact that it was a saturday afternoon. Yeesh. Not much eye candy. Oh! Speaking about eye candy..pris and i saw this chee-ko-pek, so horrible ok, he was wearing a G-STRING and we got an eyeful of his butt w/o wanting to. *traumatised. Urgh, i mean everyone's entitled to his/her rights, but puhleese! Keep the urge to wear a g-string in a beach to a nudist colony! And because i brought my digicam along, i was sososo paranoid about losing it that even when we swam out to this float at sea, i kept my eyes fastened at the shoreline where our bags were. Couldn't even sleep in peace, sigh. So after that since the sky was getting grey again, we decided to go bathe and get the hell out. Then we went to town and started walking...walking and walking. Ate dinner at this turkish restaurant, and they actually gave us free turkish tea along with the dish we ordered, muahah, FREE! It was served in this tiny cute cup, and i really wanted to steal it at that moment. Then after buying her hairband, pris had the bright idea of going to SSC near ps, and guess what? In the name of us being pool-deprived, we walked, and we walked, and we walked all the way from far east to ps. I nearly died. Now i know what the church youth campers are in for, hehehe. Tried and tested route; they are gonna die! Muahahah, revenge. Ok anyway, to get back to the story, guess what? By the time we reached SSC, all the pool tables were already taken, and there was a long waiting list. So our 1/2 hr walk was wasted. Blah. Oh by the way, christmas decorations are already up in orchard, so bloody early! Sigh, SGS mood-setter. And pris and i acted like moronic tourists, we even asked this lady to take our pics at this gigantic christmas tree in front of paragon. I don't think she even knew how to operate the camera ok, cuz she took twice, and the flash didn't even come out, sigh. So wasted. So that was my tiring day, tiring but fun. And now i have a tan worth showing off for at last.

Friday, November 14, 2003 | Friday, November 14, 2003

The term i coined SGS? It still hasn't gone away. Bleah.

| Friday, November 14, 2003

So this week of bliss is coming to an end. Sigh. Pw's finally over, and now, on to terrorising next year's batch of J1s! Did my part terrifying my little cousin, describing the horrors of pw a few days ago, haha! Didn't want to go too far though, she's still taking her Os, poor thing. Wah i tell you, if i were some rich kid, i'd immediately fly off to some slack angmoh country to study ok! Heard that there's this college course solely teaching bookbinding as an art; those people taking it...grr. Nothing to say. S'pore's education system really cannot make it; people born in 1986 and later are all doomed to its mercy. What with the introduction of social studies, Project Work, SATs (ok it's being around for ages, but with pw added...) and what more! Oh yar, the increasement of the min driving age too: 18 to 21 years of age. Just which toad introduced that rule.. Dunno if my batch's affected though. I hope not, cuz it's only a mere 5 mths 16 days to my 18th! Wheeeee!!! Oops. I'm getting old. Yesterday i spent a day with my sis-in-law and brother at punggol. We made a perfect cheesecake. :) Got the recipe from her, gonna try it later on next week by myself, heehee. And i got pampered so bad; breakfast was strawberries cut into dainty slices sprinkled with shaved chocolate, 3 slices of toast with strawberry jam, and espresso poured into a cup of ice cream. Lunch was the cheesecake we made (yum!) and homemade mushroom soup. Really pampered. Wow, at this rate, my tummy will be flabby (hey, it rhymes). Ok wait, i just felt it, it already is. Sigh. It was nice staying over at punggol, bonus point was that we were staying over at the extreme end of it, the ulooiest part :) I had to force myself to wake up today to attend serena's op, and drag myself all the way to school from punggol. But hey, not bad, the buses there are very efficient, the trip only took about 12 min. (Yes, i made sure i timed). Theirs was good, cuz they actually memorised the whole thing (unlike me). And after that, bra and i went to HMV at cityhall to buy cds. Ok bra, here's where you come in: he bought BLUE, and i bought PINK!! Haha, geddit? geddit? About the hair issue, i've decided to change my parting to a side one. If i don't, i'd look even more like a butch. It's really really bad. Sigh, next time i'll just stick to going to Two Steps at roxy square. Even if that's the place where all the ncc land guys go to cut their hair. ...at least i turn out looking decent. Trust me, you won't want to hang around me these next few days, at least til my hair grows to a decent length; else i'll be whining away to you about how butchey i look. And about tomorrow..yay! I'm finally going tanning again, even blew 14 bucks on this tanning oil. Sentosa here i come! Been ages since i last went tanning, wait let me count..ok get this: 5 months. Ok, pretty long entry. Hope tomorrow's weather won't be like today's.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003 | Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Ewewewewewew. I cut my hair; i look like a butch! Happy now? This unstoppable urge to chop off your locks satisfied now? It better be! SIGH. It's okay eunicegirl, hair grows. Hair grows. It better grow out fast.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003 | Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Someone wants me to update; fine i will, sigh. Feel like a sour grape. A whole crateful in fact. Is it a matter of clichedness, or is it just me? *sour grapes sour grapes. Seems like everyone is getting attached. Nth wrong with that, don't get me wrong, just that...it's really everyone. Ah well, when you put an impending spinster together with news of yet another person getting attached, you get the extreme case of SGS (sour grape syndrome). And no, don't get me wrong, i'm not some despo out hungry for guys..just that, what happened to girlie play like barbie dolls and masakmasak? Oh yes, forgot for the moment that i'm 17 now, not 7. Oopsie. But really miss those days, even if i was a complete moron all hung up about barbie dolls. Life was so much less complicated then. Now you have the modern career woman; it's so easy to picture any girl as one now..take for example my sis's tkgs senior she just bumped into: 28, masters graduate, lived and worked in switzerland for 2 years, now back in s'pore, owns a car and apartment etc etc. Catch of being so successful (probably): single, still. Maybe i'm being biased; maybe it's her choice; maybe...maybe it's just me. Wow, look at myself blabber; i'm really having the SGS bad. But one thing i've realised recently, love doesn't come easy. Whether it's you falling in love with that person and having that feeling reciprocated -total bliss-, or you suffering serious heartbreak when you're told it's over. Both feelings don't come easy (to you). Heck, love may come only once in your entire lifetime; infatuation, maybe countless. The question is: when do you know when it really is love? I can't answer that now, i'm still a kid, i'm only 17, but i guess no one can answer that except me, most importantly with God's prompting. *wills SGS to go away quick.

Saturday, November 08, 2003 | Saturday, November 08, 2003

l didn't think blogging would do so much harm. To me, it's a pastime i enjoy doing, something i take pleasure in doing, especially when i have plenty to say (or complain about). But i guess when it's on the net, it's never safe. People will read, and people will talk. News will spread. Even if one didn't have ill intentions blogging away. If you've noticed, i took one entry away. I feel sickened. I feel horrible. Time to do some serious re-evaluating on my values.

Friday, November 07, 2003 | Friday, November 07, 2003

Everytime i open my wardrobe(s) now, i'll go "ahh....", damn satisfied with all the neatness, all done up military-style. Oh man! Can't stand it! Haha, i'm such a freaking neat freak! Oops, forgive my outburst, under lots of stress now. What with youth camp stuff to prepare for, and op exam on monday. Pw stinks. We had to redo the complete slide presentation yesterday, while the rest of all J1s were studying for mt. Thank goodness for Mr Chen and Mr Chua (C&C pte. ltd.), whew. The saving-butts-for-op team and co. Anyway, just had chinese As this morning. So frustrating ok, the words are all so familiar, i know i've learnt them all before, and how they sound, just that me, being such a dumdum, i didn't know how to write! So idiotic.. Even a C6 sounds quite impossible already, oh no.. Worse case, i'll just take CLB like what all other poor unfortunate souls (my other chinese-suckers-friends) are planning to do too. Nic came over today, cuz of my extremely persuasive powers :) and i swear-!-she's turning crooked! Oh no! Okay, i'm procrastinating again, gotta go do the camp games stuff now, have pw meeting at 9am (!) tomorrow, and another youth camp meeting at 1530. SIGH. My face..! All the pimples are sprouting up!

Tuesday, November 04, 2003 | Tuesday, November 04, 2003

It was a fine morning. I came out of the toilet whistling, rushed to get ready for school, and before leaving my room, saw a message on my hp and opened it. I literally had a heart attack. I clutched my chest and staggered for a few moments. Guys. Really pity them sometimes. They can be such jerks, and such idiotic morons at times. Oh well, we girls just have to bear with their idiocy and stupidity. Tsk tsk.

| Tuesday, November 04, 2003

I saw God. The God who can't sit still when the storm is too strong. The God who lets me get frightened enough to need Him and then comes close enough for me to see Him. The God who uses my storms as His path to come to me. I saw God. It took a storm for me to see Him. But I saw Him. And I'll never be the same.

Saturday, November 01, 2003 | Saturday, November 01, 2003

Today was tiring..again. Woke up at 10, and immediately went about spring-cleaning. I had just about enough of my clothes falling out of the wardrobe ok, and the need to squash and stuff 'em all back in after that. Thank goodness my sis finally moved out of the room :) i sound so heartless, don't i, but i think it was getting too small for two gigantic girls, really. There's only so much space in a miserable condo room you can fit two girls into. Really, the rooms in condominiums are getting really pathetically small! So now i've inherited her wardrobe, yay... And all my clothes are all neat and tidy in little piles in two wardrobes. One for home clothes, one for going-out clothes. I'm proud of myself. And you never know what funny things you can dig out: i had this pair of kiddy pyjamas still in the wardrobe ok, like it only reaches up to my knees now. Wow, i've grown. Now you get the idea how untidy and full of clothes my wardrobe was, haha. After transferring all my stuff, i was so tired that i skipped cell. Oops. Had a nice little dinner with my parents at home instead, and it was one of those rare family moments. Not complete though. I feel like an only child, sigh. Where've my sis and bro disappeared to..miss those times i'd wrestle and argue with my bro over who got to use the phone (he spent such long hours talking to christine ok!), and how i'd scream at him to get out of the toilet, and how i'd hafta wait for the horrible smell to go away before using it myself. And how we used to keep this little hamster secretly in his room back when he was in ns, and only he and i knew about it, until my mum discovered it in his wardrobe; it was *hrmm then :) How he'd counsel me for long periods at one go when i was screwed (even if i didnt want to be counselled, haha), how he used to help me with my lit and ss, how he used to cook such nice dishes for the whole family (unlike my fish-fanatic of a mum--fish everyday, bleah), what a pigsty of a room he had and everything. Now it's as neat as can be, ever since my sis took over it. And the house is so quiet (and stink-free). And my sis..just doesn't spend time at home much now too. Sigh. One of the pitfalls of being the youngest: you get the only-child depression now and then. Ohh well. Haha, you never appreciate fully what's around til it's gone..as in, really. Have grandma's bdae lunch tomorrow, can finally see all my beloved cousins again, yay, haven't seen em since CNY. Gotta do lit essay now..what crap, lit +technology, what to write about?!

| Saturday, November 01, 2003

And because we look for the bonfire, we miss the candle. Because we listen for the shout, we miss the whisper. ...it is through whispered promises God speaks: "When you doubt, look around; I am closer than you think."

| Saturday, November 01, 2003

And thank God everyone in A202 made it to next year. Very proud of my class.

| Saturday, November 01, 2003

I'm tired now, but today (friday) was so nice! Started out barely un-nice, what with the last minute pw rehearsal, i forgot to bring my cuecards, so i was just twisting my neck to read out the slides, basically doing all the no-nos of op. Then i fell asleep halfway while my group was still discussing er, stuff, with my pw teacher, such a lazy bum. After that went home to change, and was supposed to meet Nic at bugis so we could go buy my *toots. And you know what, that dumdum thought that 196 goes to bugis, and guess where she ended up? SGH. *groan. What a kuku. So i waited one hour for her at kino before she finally trudged all the way back to bugis. Poor us. And let me just say that OG is paradise! Lots and lots of cheap, cheap clothes. Sighh. So wasted ok, i bought this giordano blouse for 18 bucks last sunday at suntec, and now i find it costs only $14.40 at OG. *grumble. Bought a black *toot from there. And when this particularly nice *toot didnt have my size...we trudged all the way back to tampines to try find the correct size. And after going through so many hours of shopping, *toot-trying and mrt-hopping...i finally got it! Haha, it's like my dream *toot, im crazy over it :) Nic bought her dream *toot too, haha..so we're both happy with our *toots. And we passed by this nail art shop, and i bought this $1o nailart pack of stickers for us to share. So nice, gonna do my nails tomorrow when i'm not so disoriented. And transfer my clothes to my second wardrobe. Oh, and start calling people up for the gamemaster thing. Sighhh...screwed screwed screwed.